I’ve never liked crowds. And I especially do no like crowds in small places. My dad’s house was not very big, so even with the limited amount of people there, it still felt crowded. To avoid the crowds, I went downstairs.
My dad had converted the lower level of the house after the last of his wife’s kids moved out. When my bother and I visited as pre-teens, we stayed in the guest bedroom on the lower level. When we were not out doing something, we often were in that bedroom. So, it felt like a second home to us. It was also the place where my dad committed suicide.
My attempt at suicide was overdosing on over-the-counter medication. My dad’s attempt was much more efficient; he shot himself. The spot he did it was in that spare bedroom. The rug had been removed from where he had did it, exposing the cement floor. Again, planned out to keep the bullet from causing damage to the house.
I did not want to stand around the bedroom, so I went into my dad’s office. The place looked like it had been ransacked. On top of the printer were print-outs of some of the email conversations that he and I had. One of his widow’s kids came in and noticed me looking at the print-outs. They said that they were looking for the missing $5,000. Again with the money. As of this post, I can say that have absolutely no idea where that money went.
When I was leaving my dad’s office, I ran into his widow. She and I never really got along, but I was not going to be disrespectful to her. She reminded me that I had promised to my dad that I would move to Seattle. Even though he was gone, she still wanted me to keep that promise. And, that she would like for me to come stay with her while I got established in Seattle. It would be helpful to her, now that my dad was no longer there. I figured that my dad’s death caused a change in her and maybe I should give it a chance. So, I agreed that I would.
Upon returning back to Walla Walla, I started setting up a timeline to move to Seattle. As my dad’s widow reminded me, I had plans to move, but they were a “someday” thing. My choice to set up the timeline came from more than the reminder from my dad’s widow. During my visit to Seattle, I realized how much I missed being around my brother and my nieces. Within six months of my dad’s death, in May 2000, I finally moved to Seattle.
My mother had moved to Seattle a few months prior to me. Her brother, David, had offered to move her and let her stay with him and his family while she got established. So, that left me with the house to myself. I got rid of almost ever thing. By the time I was ready to move, all my possessions could fit into a five foot by five foot square. Kris, a long time friend of mine, and his wife had offered to drive me (and my cat) to Seattle. As planned, everything I had fit in the back of the SUV that Kris had rented.
I ended living in the same guest room where my dad had killed himself. To cover utilities and food, I payed my dad’s widow $500 a month in “rent”. Within a few months, she and I started having conflicts again. Partly, because she had started dating. While I did like the guy she was with, it felt disrespectful to my dad. So, I found an apartment and moved out of my dad’s house in December. I have not seen my dad’s widow or her kids since I moved. Without my dad, I have no connection to them.
As for my mother, well, I could fill many blog entries about my relationship with her. But, I don’t want to. Despite trying to reconnect while I was in Seattle, it didn’t work. If anything, our relationship got worse. I finally decided to cut off all contact with her when she moved from the Seattle area back to Walla Walla in 2001. So, both of my parents missed me getting married and the birth of my daughter.